"Mistreatment in CAMHS"

I have been attending CAMHS for over 5 years for self-harm, anxiety, depression and suspected ASD. They have never gave me any sort of support for my actual issues. I have been struggling with self-harm for years and they have always made it feel like my fault. Instead of offering me advice for my issues they would guilt trip me into stopping and accuse me of influencing my younger siblings into taking up my bad coping mechanisms. Instead of speaking about important issues, they would just speak about how school is going or something generic. I was telling one of them how horrible I felt and she condescendingly asked me if i was on my period. The only help offered was DBT which I couldn't attend due to work and college.

The only other option is medication which i didn't enjoy but I didn't have an option. If I asked for medication they would act rude towards me and told me to get 'actual help' instead of relying on medication out of laziness. They would start me on small doses, agree to increase them after a certain time, and never increase them. The psychiatrists and councillors I saw in CAMHS changed nearly every time I went and nobody seemed to have read my paperwork, so nearly half of every session would just be going over things that have already been on file for ages. At an appointment once, I told a senior member of staff that I was suicidal and told them my issues in detail. They told me I couldn't possibly be telling the truth because I was dressed nicely and had makeup on. I left the appointment to have a panic attack and self-harm in the bathroom.

CAMHS has made my mental health worse, if anything. They made me feel like I was just 'lazy' or 'dramatic' instead of offering any help. Being within their system made me feel hopeless about ever getting better in the future. All of the workers seem so distrustful of their patients and it doesn't feel like a safe or caring environment.